Awakening
by CartoonJessie
Summary: The fully realized Avatar goes to visit a crippled ex-councilman. - a short, but sweet Korrlok story. Also posted on Tumblr. R&R?


Patiently she waited in front of the large mansion as she listened for a sign of life inside. Turning around she gazed over the garden through which a circle-shaped brick path – large enough for a satomobile – led to the road. She was glad to have a few hours off from any Avatar duties. It was quite a sunny day, warm for the time of year – and she saw that several flowers were in bloom.  
She turned around again as she heard a loud thumping sound getting closer. It was quiet for a few seconds when the sound stopped as it had reached the door. Just before the door opened, she straightened herself and forced a smile upon her face.  
"Hi Tarrlok!" she greeted him, sounding as cheerful as she could, but she realized very well that she sounded a bit awkward as well. It had been the same when she had visited him last summer, and a few months before that, and the year before.  
"The Avatar," he acknowledged her presence, sounding respectful, but not really welcoming at the same time. It had been the same her previous visits.  
He gestured for her to come in and she stared at his hand as he did it. His skin was rather black in the places where his hand had been burned the worst, especially around the knuckles of his fingers, but it looked better than before. The infection was finally gone.  
He followed her gaze and admitted: "The healing technique you taught me, helped."  
She smiled, relief washing over her face. After all these years, it was getting better.  
"I was sitting on the terrace, will you join me?"  
"Sure."  
She walked up to him, as though she wanted to support him, but he shot her a forbidding look.  
"I can do this myself," he murmured, using a glass walking stick to support his weight. Korra could not help but purse her lips together as she looked at the location where his right leg should be, but there was nothing there. She followed him as they slowly made their way to the terrace and looked out over the garden. It was more like a meadow, with grass roaming as high as it could and wild flowers colorizing the environment.  
"I heard you sold the apartment," she said casually.  
"Yes. I had not visited it in seven months. It was rather useless. I have no business in the inner city anymore, being thrown out of the council and everything. With reason," he added hastily, afraid that she would judge him if he did not admit to that. "Besides, I wanted to invest the money in the enterprise of Asami Sato."  
"She told me. She was very grateful. Not many shareholders want to invest in her company anymore. It has been that way for the last three years."  
"I know. I realize all too well how your family can damage your reputation. It felt like the right thing to help her. Besides, their products are worth investing in."  
"Asami told me you did not want her to build you a wheel chair though."  
"I do not need it," he replied sharply. "I can still walk, be it a bit slow. If people think that is a problem, then it is theirs and not mine."  
Korra could not help but look at the way his scarred hand rested on the leg that he had left, but did not know what to say. He picked up on her silence and sighed.  
"Why do you still come here, Korra? You do not owe me anything."  
She gulped as she heard him say her name. He did not use it often – it meant that he was very serious about this.  
"Do you get any other visitors?" she returned his question, a determined look on her face.  
The corner of his mouth twitched before he answered. "Asami Sato was here a month ago."  
"Then I will continue to visit when I am in Republic City," Korra said decidedly.  
They sat opposite each other, staring at each other's faces, trying to measure the other's intentions and thoughts.  
"I read that you were back in the city." He gestured to the newspaper. "Any idea for how long?"  
"I was hoping to improve my airbending some more."  
"Still?" He raised an eyebrow.  
Korra frowned. "There is always room for improvement. Especially when it comes to my airbending."  
"I'm surprised that Tenzin still has time to train you."  
"In fact, Jinora has earned her markings. She will now instruct me as well."  
"Her tattoos?" he asked in a surprised voice. "Already?"  
"Tenzin was just as old as her when he got his. And Aang was even younger."  
They gazed out over the meadow and Korra sighed softly. "Poor Jinora though. She had to shave her hair off. All of it."  
She noticed how Tarrlok grabbed one of his ponytails, as though talking about shaving would cost him his hair too.  
"She did not leave her room for weeks after it happened. According to Ikki, she likes one of the boys living in the air temple. She's terrified that he will see her like that."  
"Won't she let it grow back?"  
"I think she will, but the tattoo took a few days to complete and she needs to rub an ointment to make sure that it stays beautiful, so she still needs to shave her head for a few more days."  
"If the boy can not appreciate her without her hair, he is not worthy of her affections anyway," he suddenly blurted out, sounding a bit aggravated and Korra noticed how he was hiding his scarred hand with his other hand, looking a bit nervous.  
She stared at him for a few moments, wondering where his aggravation had truly come from, when she suddenly asked: "Don't you ever get lonely here, Tarrlok?"  
His gaze shot over to hers and did not let go, fear in his eyes. The idea that he was scared, sent a shiver through Korra's body and when he looked away and bitterly said "Of course not", Korra realized that it was the biggest lie that he had ever told her. She wanted to get up and sit closer to him, to hold his hand, but his voice returned to a casual tone as he said: "I read you visited the Fire Nation Palace. How was it?"

Korra told him of everything she had experienced in the last months, leaving out no details about the beautiful sights she had seen and she noticed how Tarrlok relaxed and how his mind drifted away to the places she had visited. In her previous visits, she had never really wondered why she had come to see him. Was it out of guilt? Was it out of compassion? Amon should have been her responsibility, yet Tarrlok had –without her asking – taken that task from her hands. He had lost his leg in the process and had been put on trial for his bloodbending. His entire reputation had been destroyed, but Korra had made sure that he would not be put in jail after all he had been through – it somehow had not felt right. He had lost so much and Korra started to realize how empty his life had to be. No visitors, no family or friends left.  
Maybe it was the same for her now. Ever since she had become a fully realized Avatar, she had been so busy dealing with one crisis after the other that she had to confess to herself that she had spent very little time with her friends and the people she cared about. It had been two months since she had seen Bolin and Mako. Since the end of their relationship, Korra had grown closer to Asami though, but even Asami was not always around, she had an enterprise to take care of.  
Korra was never alone though. The last months, she had spent a lot of time with General Iroh in the Fire Nation – and though she considered him a friend, he always kept a dignified distance. Maybe in some ways, she had more in common with Tarrlok and his lonely existence than she would admit to herself.  
He was very interested in her political views regarding the problems she had faced in the fire nation, and it brought her joy to see his face light up during their discussions. After an hour, she felt like it was time to leave again. She never staid for more than two hours anyway and when she stood up, she saw his expression sadden. It broke her heart and suddenly she said: "Shall I return tomorrow?" Not leaving him with the time to guess why she wanted this, she quickly continued: "I think I have not told you yet of what happened in Ba Sing Se. But I have too little time today to continue now. I can bring some noodles, if you like."  
He looked a little surprised. Never before had she visited him more than once every few months and she wondered what was going through his mind.  
"You are always welcome here," he said, bowing his head a little and she bowed her head in return, smiling.  
"Then I will see you tomorrow!"

Even though she had her mind set on visiting Tarrlok, it was not easy to find a hole in her schedule. She spent the entire morning on Air Temple Island, being instructed in airbending by Jinora (and also being constantly interrupted by Meelo, who tried to persuade her of the importance of learning to fartbend.) In the afternoon, she joined Tenzin to the council meeting, constantly looking at the representative of the northern water tribe and noticing how little charisma he had compared to Tarrlok – not to mention that he had very little hair. The meeting took very long and Tenzin suggested to eat with him on Air Temple Island, but Korra declined and said she would eat noodles with a friend. Tenzin asked no further questions – for which Korra was grateful – and she hurried to the noodle palace, where she had to stand in line for thirty minutes before the noodles were ready. The cabdriver that drove her to Tarrlok's mansion on the outskirts of Republic City took his time too – and charged extra even though he had not taken the shortest route, but Korra let it slip – after all, it was her job to keep peace in the world.  
During the long drive, she had kept the noodles hot by using her firebending on her hands and as she rang the doorbell, she looked through the windows to see if she saw any light yet.  
The hallway remained dark, but after a few minutes, she heard the sound of his walking cane approaching and when he opened the door, he seemed surprised to see her.  
"I did not think you would still be coming."  
"I try to keep my word," she smiled. "I've brought noodles. Are you hungry?"  
"Famished."  
They sat on the terrace again, overlooking the garden as the sun went down and Korra lit a fire. The burning would made calming sounds as they ate their noodles and Korra talked about her day. Tarrlok laughed loudly as she told him about Meelo and he seemed to love the fact that one of Tenzin's kids was such a goof.  
As she started talking about the council meeting, he interrupted her and asked about her experiences in Ba Sing Se. He seemed more comfortable with that. Talking about the council did not stir good memories in him, so Korra decided to avoid the subject.  
He had a ridiculously wide grin on his face as Korra told him how she had entered the Avatar State because the Earth Kingdom Prince would not take her seriously during the opening gala of the new palace and Tarrlok was shaking with laughter as she reached the point in her story where she described how she had wrecked some antique sculptures without realizing it.  
"… and then they told me what I had done and I suggested to go back in the Avatar State to fix it, but they wouldn't let me, afraid I would wreck the palace even more!"  
Tarrlok roared with laughter and it warmed Korra's heart to see him enjoy himself. Night had fallen already and Korra feared that soon, the two hours of visit would be reached. Two hours was their comfort zone. Longer than that would raise questions and create distrust, she was sure of that. She was deep in thought while Tarrlok calmed down again and he suddenly startled her as he said: "The Sky Bison is clear tonight."  
"Huh?" Korra looked into the sky, but there was no bison to be seen anywhere.  
He seemed to notice her confusion and added: "I am talking about the stars."  
"Oh," she said, looking up at the sky, but not recognizing anything.  
He got up besides her and slowly made his way down the terrace. Korra followed him.  
"The light of the fire is distracting when you try to see the constellations," he explained. "I find it funny how the stars are different here. Some of the constellations which I know from the North Pole can be seen here as well, but at different times of the year. Look, there is the Lionmoose. And over there the Warrior Prince."  
Korra tried to follow where he was pointing to, but she did not see it. Because she was so quiet, he looked at her and she felt her cheeks flush.  
"I know nothing of stars and constellations," she admitted.  
"Oh." He seemed surprised. "I thought that – especially since you were raised in the water tribe – that you would have been taught about the constellations at a young age. It is custom for children to learn."  
"I'm afraid that I wasn't," she said softly. "Maybe my dad would have shown me, but I moved to the compound where I had my Avatar training at the age of six. I was taught many things, but never anything to do with the stars. And when I was allowed to visit my parents, it was usually during daytime. And not very often anyway."  
"I'm sorry to hear that. I thought you might have liked to see the differences between the constellations here and the poles, but since you do not know them, there is not much use in…"  
"Maybe you can show me some?" Korra interrupted him cheerfully.  
He seemed surprised that she was so eager to learn this from him, but even she noticed his smile when he nodded in agreement. The years of solitude had made him more humble. In the past he would have bragged or teased her because she was not all-knowing, but now he moved closer to her and pointed to the sky.  
"See that bright one? The one that stands all alone over there?"  
Korra moved closer to his shoulder to follow where he was pointing to.  
"Yes, I see it," she said slowly. "What is it called?"  
"The Avatar star."  
Korra turned her head fiercely.  
"You're making that up!"  
He laughed. "I'm not," he defended himself, clearly enjoying the fact that she did not know this.  
Korra looked back above her and frowned.  
"Why would they call it the Avatar star?" she wondered out loud, still sounding a bit irritated that nobody had ever told her there was a star named like that.  
"It's the one that shines brightest," he told her softly. "In the evening, it can be seen before the sun has set, and in the morning it is the last star to leave the sky. It is always there and the other stars circle around it, no matter if you are here or on the North Pole."  
Korra kept on looking up and did not notice how Tarrlok was now gazing at her, his look longing.  
"I suppose they named it the Avatar star because it is eternal. And maybe also because it stands so alone – a solitary star. Maybe it is a bit lonely sometimes."  
Korra suddenly noticed how her heart had started racing. Was he talking about the star or rather about her? Korra turned to look at his face. His features looked softer than she had ever noticed before. It scared her slightly.  
He saw how she looked terrified and quickly pointed towards the sky again. "To its left you see the Sky Bison I mentioned earlier, to its right you see the Dragon, which is…"  
"Do you think I am lonely?" she interrupted him, not even having followed what he had been pointing to.  
His cheeks flushed. "Do you want me to be honest or polite?"  
She frowned. "Is it impossible to be both?"  
"I will try."  
He took a deep breath, which gave Korra the time to mentally brace herself. She knew he was perceptive. Whatever was coming was going to hurt.  
"I think you are fine when you are surrounded by people –when it comes to loneliness, I mean. You are good-natured about everything that goes on around you, and you even make jokes about the Avatar State and everything that sets you apart from the rest. But you are different. You take pride in your bending skills, but have been terrified about the spiritual side that comes with it. The responsibility of being the Avatar is something you dislike, because I think that – the part of you that is just Korra – and not the Avatar – is a free spirit. You want to live a full life, but you feel trapped and ripped of your freedom. You would rather ignore the spiritual side of who you are because you are afraid of what you might learn and what you might lose. You are scared of detaching yourself from the people you like, but at the same time you are afraid of attaching yourself to them as well, realizing all too well that that is necessary to fulfill your duties. You know that your spirit will live forever, and as the only creature on this planet you have the certainty of eternal life, whereas us mortal beings are left guessing if we will reach the Spirit World at all. You are afraid of attachments, but at the same time you are just a human being with needs like the rest of us. So yes, I do think that you are quite lonely, though most people would not notice it because of your cheerful demeanor."  
Her mouth had dropped. Many of these things she had never consciously realized or considered, but it was like Tarrlok had undressed her and she was now left standing naked in front of him. It was no wonder that her cheeks flushed and that she felt like crying, left vulnerable by the arrows of truth that he had shot at her.  
He had done that before, when he had called her a half-baked Avatar in training, but this felt even worse and she could not stop the tears from streaming down her face.  
He noticed how she was crying and a pang of guilt hit him.  
"Korra…" he said her name in the most comforting way possible, but her look hardened as he stepped closer and he decided not to approach her further. "I am not here to judge you and I don't want to break you down. Let me help. I think I understand you. I have been in a position of power myself. It eats your core and affects everything that you do. It changes what you believe you are – but you are not lost, Korra. You can still make your own choices. Enrich the cycle of Avatars and their experiences with your own. Do not be afraid to live, it is the greatest gift you could pass to your legacy."  
She sniffed away a sob as she stared at him, tears still clinging to her face and shining in the faint moonlight.  
He held out his hand and she slid hers into his, hesitating slightly because of his scars, but his hand felt pleasantly warm and comforting.  
"When did you become so wise?" she asked softly.  
"It is the effect of unwanted loneliness," he replied honestly.  
She felt for him. She felt for herself, too.  
Korra reminded herself that the two hours had passed. She was leaving the comfort zone.  
_Screw the comfort zone_, she thought to herself.  
She stepped closer to Tarrlok and touched his cheek. His face bore no scars from the explosion, but it had changed none the less. He leaned into her touch and his eyes looked at her with the longing she had seen before, but not understood. Until now.  
"Thank you, Tarrlok," she whispered.  
"What for?" he asked her in his casual voice, but his gaze was still serious. She gave him a short but sweet kiss on his lips.  
"For awakening me."


End file.
